CDs are superior to retro formats, especially the CD my comedy album is on

By Some Comedian

​I really don't understand these records kids are listening to. I’m a Gen X-er and let me say these retro formats are crap.
 
Records are fragile. You can easily drop one and have it break, or leave it in a car and have it melt. They give them to you in ridiculous rigid paper sleeves that protect almost nothing. CDs are stored in sensible, durable plastic.
 
CDs are perfect. They are sturdy, crisp, clean and digital. I’ve made CDs before. For instance, I do stand-up, and I recorded an hour of my funniest material and slapped it on a CD. You can hear every joke perfectly. You can’t do that with a vinyl record!
 
I do understand people wanting bigger cover art like on a record, but an album is not it’s cover. You can have Leonardo Da Vinci paint your artwork, but if your content is crap, nobody will care. My comedy CD has a photo me standing on a street corner and is called “Corner Comedy!” It’s simple. The art doesn’t have to be elaborate because the content is good! 27 tracks of goodness, to be exact! You can hear me doing my favorite comedy routines, from “Night Coffee” to “I don’t know what Mom is!”
 
Cassette tapes are a joke. Nobody should want those back. Those are just a nightmare of complexity. It’s almost guaranteed you are going to get your tape spilling out all over a cassette deck at some point. With a CD, (like my comedy CD) you never have to worry about that. Put it in and listen!
 
You can put “Corner Comedy” in any CD player and not have to worry about getting a mess when you eject it. Not that you would ever want to eject it! It’s just non-stop hilarity! I do an amazing impression of Jack Nicholson at a bakery! I can’t convey how funny it is just by writing it. Get my CD! You can get my CD directly from me, at the entrance of Lucky’s Comedy Club, right after my set on Tuesday nights at 10pm.
 
Hey, you know what? CDs are also better than digital downloads, too! You can’t actually hold my gut-busting CD in your hand with a downloadable copy! With a download, you just get a file with hardly any cover art and a computer virus. Download the file and all of a sudden some guy in Russia has your bank account info and is using it to buy underage boys. I’m just saying.
 
Meanwhile, you can hold my sweet CD in your hands, guilt-free, for only $20, $10 each if you buy two. Again, you can get them Tuesday nights at Lucky’s Comedy Club right after my set at 10pm. My set, by the way, does not contain any of the bits I perform in person, so you don’t have to worry about getting the jokes about “women I’ve tried to date” ruined for you! Also, you get to see me in person! Bonus! Don’t give in to crappy formats! Buy my CD!