Well, there’s one last “episode” to the Twin Peaks saga, the prologue movie titled “Fire Walk With Me,” from 1992. Considering the standard episodes were an hour, this should just seem like a longer, higher budget version of an episode.
I am also guessing nothing will be resolved from the cliffhanger ending of the series.
Starting off. lots of flickering images. David Bowie is in this?? Chris Isaak? Keifer Sutherland?? The background pulls out to reveal it is an extreme close-up of static on a TV screen. The TV screen explodes. Then there is screaming. Then there is a body floating in a river. Then we get to see Cole yelling to a secretary to contact an agent in North Dakota.
It’s apparently Chris Isaak as the agent, arresting two scantily clad-women with a team full of agents who for some reason are next to a school bus full of screaming school children. Oh, this is going to be good.
He goes to answer his car phone. Since Cole screams so loud, he has to lower his antenna. He asks him to meet at the private Portland airport.
Ah, Kiefer Sutherland is there with Gordon Cole at the airport. He’s wearing a bow tie. Chris Isaak is named Chet. Keifer is named Sam. Chet’s surprise is revealed – a girl named Lil who is dressed in red with a red wig on.
She comes up and makes a scrunched up face and squeezes her hand open and closed. It’s apparently Gordon’s Mother’s Sister’s girl. So that makes her…his cousin. Cole says “Good luck!” Uh, what is he supposed to do? Well Chet and Sam are supposed to team up on this while Cole flies out to Philadelphia.
In the car, Sam asks Chet what we are all asking, “the hell was that?” Chet says Lil was wearing a sour face, and blinking eyes, that means the local authorities will not be receptive to the FBI. One hand in her pocket means the authorities are hiring something, the other hand squeezing means they will be belligerent. The walking in place means a lot of leg work involved. Cole’s odd way of saying the girl was his cousin lets him know the Sherriff’s Uncle is in Federal Prison. Sam notices the dress was taken in, which is code for drugs. The blue rose – that’s for SECRET. Chet knows the answer but can’t tell Sam. So, okay that was explained, but it leaves the question of WHY? Is this town full of KGB agents who are listening in at every point?
The Deer Meadow Sheriff’s office. They are not very receptive to the FBI. The deputy tells the agents to wait and drink old coffee. The secretary laughs. Chet grabs the deputy by the nose and causes him a lot of pain, then tells the secretary to make some fresh coffee.
Chet waltzes into the office and informs the Sheriff (who has the name of Cable) he’s there to investigate the murder of Theresa Banks. Sheriff – not very helpful. Chet asks for all the info on Theresa banks. The Sheriff reaches down and tosses the agent a box of info, tells him the body is out back. You know, like the body is an old truck. There’s also a picture of the Sheriff bending steel – oh, maybe he has crazy strength like Nadine?
Well, we see the dead girl, who looks like an actress with her mouth open trying not to blink. Anyway, she was a drifter, nobody came to claim the body, no known next of skin. Sam indicates she was killed by a blunt object. Oh, Sam finds something is up with the ring finger. He brings over his stupidly huge device to look at it. OH, something is in the fingernail. I bet it is a letter on a piece of paper. Yes indeed! The letter T.
Remember when Keifer played a nerd instead of a crazy torturer?
Completed with the autopsy, the Sam and Chet go to “Hap’s” for some food.
Also, Theresa worked at the restaurant. She apparently worked there a month, never seemed to get there on time. The coarse owner says she was a cocaine addict. Owner believes she died of a freak accident. Her arm went completely dead for a time. Bob? Bob influence? Oh, Chet makes Sam spill coffee on himself for no reason. Sam suggests that they take the body back to Portland to do some nerve work to check on the body numbness. Sam asks Irene (the smoking owner) about food, and she says “You wanna hear our specials? We don’t have any.” Well, that’s pretty rude of her.
Daylight. The Fat Trout Trailer Park, where Theresa lived for a time. After talking to the miserable wreck of an owner, they get access to Theresa’s trailer. They find a picture of Theresa with her missing ring on. Miserable trailer park owner comes back with coffee. This is two scenes focusing on coffee, which makes this an official Twin Peaks or Jim Jarmusch movie. The coffee is super strong.
(At this point I stop the movie to go make myself some coffee. Where’s the Folger’s endorsement del for this movie?)
A creepy dirty woman shows up with an ice bag over her eye. When asked if she knows Theresa Banks, she shudders and walks off. Odd moment. The owner suddenly seems unnerved.
Ah! Wind blowing through trees! A Twin Peaks classic.
Back at the Sheriff’s office, a confrontation occurs over the body being taken by the FBI. The body gets taken. We don’t see what happens to the Sheriff’s nose.
Chet says he’s going to check around the trailer park again while Sam takes the body to Portland. Sam asks about the Blue Rose. I am going to venture a guess that it has something to do with Windom Earle? David Lynch is directing this, so the Blue Rose could mean Columbian parrots. Who knows.
Chet looks at the telephone pole near the trailers. He seems to be interested by another trailer with the lights on. He finds the ring of the missing girl. Is that an owl symbol? Yes.
CUT TO PHILADELPHIA. Agent Cooper! He addresses Gordon Cole, worried about today because of the dream he had. Then he messes with some security cameras. David Bowie appears! Also, somehow, Cooper’s image stays on a security camera even though he is in the net room. David Bowie is addressed as “Philip Jaffries.” David Bowie speaks with an amusing southern twang.
He accuses Agent Cooper of being something he is not. We transition to images of a kind of scarecrow guy with an eraserhead hairstyle, messing with a stick? Oh! And the Dwarf! And Bob. They seem to be having a get-together in some sort of run-down shack. Oh, hey, that…woman and her boy are there! The Dwarf says “With this ring, I thee wed.” Couple more images. DAVID BOWIE vanishes! He has super powers, just like the Venture Bros. indicated!
Also, Chet disappeared. Just so everyone knows.
Cooper and Cole review the security footage. Obviously, David Bowie was there! Where did he go though? Also, nobody questions why Cooper’s image is stuck on the monitor.
Agent Cooper is there at the Fat Trout Trailer Park, talking to the miserable owner (who has a name of Karl) about the last few moments of Chet. After being directed to Theresa and the Deputy’s trailer, Agent Cooper naturally goes off in another direction to where Chet went…except there is no longer a trailer there. An old woman and grandson lived there…ah, from Twin Peaks.
Cooper checks out Chet’s vehicle. On the vehicle is written “Let’s Rock” in…lipstick?
Chet is dictating to Diane. He talks about this being a Blue Rose case and not knowing where the killer will strike again.
Jump to one year later! We’re in Twin Peaks! Laura Palmer is alive (presumably) and walking down the street. The city seems larger with actual exterior locations. Laura meets up with a woman who looks almost like Donna and yet is called “Donna.” Ah yes, I was told about this – Lara Flynn Boyle is not in this movie, replaced by Moira Kelly. Apparently Lara Flynn Boyle was too busy with her awesome career. She was in…some stuff….and Men In Black 2, remember?
Ugh, anyway the two are hassled by Bobby and Mike (regrettably, this is a time before the seires, so Bobby can’t be murdered horribly) and then they go off to school. James talks to Laura about something or other. Or he just says “Laura” and stares at her. Laura leaves Donna to go to the bathroom, and we see her do coke.
Later, James is being super broody as a nearly naked Laura meets him. Bobby comes in to the high school and says “Hey Baby” to a picture of Laura in the trophy case before kissing it. Uh oh, there’s gonna be trouble. Laura says she’s “gone” to James…gone like a turkey. She gobbles a bit. James tells her not to leave and they kiss, and we see some Laura nipple.
Laura and Donna are walking outside the school, Bobby comes running up asking where Laura was for the past hour (having sex with James) and Laura says “I was standing right behind you but you were too dumb to turn around.” OH SNAP. She pauses and says to Donna “If he turned around he might get dizzy and fall down.” DOUBLE SNAP. Bobby is not amused. Laura does this weird smiling thing and gets Bobby to be happy again.
Back at the…I think it’s the Palmer house, Donna wants to know who Laura is gonna see. Laura is wondering why Donna cares, because nighttime is the time she turns into a cokevampire. There’s a discussion about why Laura even spends time with Bobby because he’s a goon (true) and not more time with James because he’s very attractive and sweet. Donna just fawns over him and wonders if Mike could ever write a poem? I think that’s what she said. Then the subject changes to Laura talking about falling through space faster and faster, then bursting into flame forever.
Laura goes home. Ah, okay they were at the Hayward’s. With nobody around Laura starts smoking and writing in her diary. Or tries to – she finds pages have been ripped out. She drives off in an old car to the crazy house of Harold. Laura indicates that Bob must have torn out the pages. Interestingly, Harold does not believe Bob is real, since Harold himself lives in a crazy fantasy world. Laura indicates Bob comes in through her window at night and has his way with her, and speaks to her. He says he has to be in her or he will kill her. I think that means literally within her. Laura stars saying “Fire walk with me” in a way that even scares Harold. Her lips turn all gothy, and the Laura snaps out of it, crying, holding Harold.
This is the point where Laura tells Harold to hide her secret diary so Bob can’t find it. She then starts making out with Harold, then abruptly leaves saying that she may never come back.
Now a montage of Laura all crazy.
Cooper, back at the Philadelphia office, talking to Albert. Cooper claims to know details about who the next victim will be from a vision, and Albert will help him solve the case. Albert questions him on details, and when he gets Coopers’ vague generalities, he calls him out on how stupid it sounds.
Ah, back to the R&R. Shelly is still Shelly, unlike Donna. Heidi has a nosebleed, so Laura needs some help with a food delivery for Meals on Wheels. While alone, Laura sees the strange woman and her boy. The woman suggests a creepy picture would look good on Laura’s wall.
Creepy boy in mask says “he’s going through her pages.” Laura runs off. Shelly is confused.
Laura runs home. her home seems ominous. She finds Bob hiding around upstairs and runs screaming from the house. She hides in the bushes, because…you know, supernatural evil can’t find her there. She sees Leland come out of the house and says “nonononono” while crying, seeming to indicate she knows he’s been possessed.
Laura goes to Donna crying and asking if she is her best friend and they have some girl comforting.
Back at the Palmer house, Leland sits alone, waiting. Laura shows up. Ominous moment where Leland indicates there is dirt way underneath Laura’s fingernail. He also examines her locket. Laura’s mother seems just as disturbed as in the show. They sit down to have a dinner, but Leland demands Laura has to wash her hands first before there is dinner. It’s just the kind of family dinner that Mansons had.
Later, Laura’s mom Smokes as Leland seems to gather his crazy. he has this crying fit, then goes to see Laura and tells her he loves her. It’s like he comes back to being normal for a moment. Laura cries as he leaves, because she knows he will come back all crazy. Close-up of angel wings in a picture. Laura realizes she left the strange picture outside, gets it and puts it on her wall. I feel like a picture of a door means something will come through the door.
Laura sleeps, we see through the door into the place with the red curtains. The waiting room for the lodge. We see the ring of Theresa Banks. It does have the owl symbol on it. Cooper steps through the curtain. He sees the dwarf who naturally says weird things. He holds up the ring, and Cooper says “Don’t take the ring, Laura.” Laura wakes up to see a dead girl in her bed. Oh no it’s just Annie, all bloodied.
She indicates the good Dale is in the lodge and can’t leave. Ah! Maybe some resolution after all? She indicates Laura needs to write in her diary. Annie disappears, and Laura realizes she has the ring. Laura gets up, realizes she is seeing herself in the door in the picture.
Ah, now she actually wakes up…I think. She does not have the ring. She looks at the picture on the wall, which does not have her in it. She takes the picture down.
Ah, now off to Leo and Shelly’s where pre-gunshot Leo is being abusive to Shelly. Ah, good old, non brain-damaged Leo. He gets a call from Bobby. Bobby talks code about making a drug deal. Leo reminds him that Bobby owes him $5,000. Bobby calles Jacque at the Roadhouse. In two days, Bobby is to meet someone to sound of sawing wood.
Back at the Palmer house, Laura is getting drunk. Donna shows up. Laura indicates she is leaving somewhere without Donna, all sexy-like. Is Moira shorter than Lara Flynn? Seems like it.
Laura goes off to the Roadhouse. The Log Lady touches her head and says “When this kind of fire starts, it is hard to put out.” Then goes on about how “All goodness is in jeopardy.” Laura goes in, and that strange lady is singing at the bar. The one who sings the theme song. She’s singing something else. Laura is crying. Donna shows up to the Road House, watching Laura from across the bar. It looks like Laura is making some sort of prostitution deal. Donna shows up and asks to “boogie,” drinking down a shot. Wow, Donna also wants to be a prostitute? So the both of them go out to a place with seizure-inducing lights and boobs. It may be One-Eyed Jack’s. Can’t hear what anyone is saying, which is a realistic portrayal of a club. I think Donna’s out of her league here. Drugs are put in the beer for Donna. Laura dances with a guy, takes her top off, Donna sees this, starts to get all druggy and woozy and sexually adventurous.
I can’t really hear what Laura and Jacque and some girl are talking about. There are a lot of shots of Laura’s nipples in this movie. Laura and some girl get some under the table action. Laura see’s a half-naked Donna getting all felt up and freaks out. She actually seems more upset about her wearing something of hers. She gets Donna out of there before she contracts herpes.
Later, Donna and Laura are talking. Donna is unaware of what happened. Laura indicates that yes, she is upset at Donna wearing some of her stuff. Ah, like in the series, it transfers her evil. They tell each other that they love each other. Leland shows up with an image in his head of Laura and the unknown girl in their underwear. Leland and Laura drive off.
A strange RV, gets right up on their ass. At a stoplight, it peels off and turns around so the driver can yell at Leland. Ah, it’s crazy one-armed man, Mr. Gerard! He yells about souls and faces and tabletops. Lots of yelling. Leland pulls an auto repair store shop and there is more yelling.
Theresa Banks is seen in the magazine for call girls. Leland indicates she looks just like Laura. Leland is in bed with her and asks her who he is.
Ah, it turns out to be a flashback of crazy Leland. Laura snaps him out of it asking who that guy was, and if she had met him. Well, certainly, Bob met him.
Another flashback. Ah, Leland went to the meeting place for the girls that Theresa said to meet up with, and one of them was Laura. Leland gives Theresa the money and leaves. As he leaves, the strange boy comes by and jumps around, then vanishes.
Back to the car. Laura asks if Leland came home during the day last week. He says no. Then he says he did stop home on Friday to get some asprin.
Crazy man had the owl ring on his pinky finger! Laura thinks about it. That, and sexytime with girls. Realizes the same ring was on Theresa’s finger.
Leland hates the TV. Oh, no rather, he hates Theresa, which he brutally murdered in a trailer.
Laura snorts some coke through a small bag she places a key in. Like in the series.
She meets Bobby at the school and is excited about getting more coke.
Midnight near the saw mill, Bobby and Laura are wandering around all drunk. Oh and hopped up on cocaine. So it’s like they are drinking Fourloko. They meet their contact, the deputy from before who has a giant bag of coke. The deputy pulls a gun and Bobby actually competently returns fire with his own gun, ending with a horrific coupe de grace on his head.
Bobby, of course, does not know what to do now. He starts incompetently burying him. Laura laughs a lot and jokes that Bobby killed Mike.
Back in the suburbs, James shows up all cool and stuff to the Palmer household to pick up Laura. he asks where she was, and she does not answer “Coked out and covering up a murder.” James asks when he can see Laura and Leland stands at the porch. So, Laura has to go get murdered. Are we getting to the part where she gets murdered?
Well, we are getting back to the part where she does blow again. Wow, she seems to do blow before bed…to get to sleep? Or not get to sleep.
Meanwhile, Laura’s mom is drinking warm milk, I think. Laura’s mom starts to sleep with a book about speaking German on her lap. She sees a white horse.
Laura is drifting off to coke-sleep, or no, she’s drifting off to get ready for Bob to have sex with her. Oh, boy, this is one of the least sexy sexy scenes ever. Laura keeps asking who he is as he has sex with her. He turns into Leland and she screams really loudly. Wow, terrifying.
Then…it’s morning. Laura is having breakfast. She’s obviously upset from the dad rape. Leland goes to talk to Laura while her Mom smokes. Laura says to stay away from me to Leland. He reacts with shock at first, but then he gets that narrow-eyed head-down look.
At school, Laura is in a weird montagey haze. With crying.
Then she goes to Bobby to get some drugs. Bobby thinks he’s being used for blow. Well, okay, that would be correct, Bobby.
Laura goes home and goes to bed all blowed up. Also, drinking and smoking. Also, with no pants on. James calls and she decides to meet him in fifteen minutes. She gets some tights on for her lingerie. She looks at the angel picture above her bed. Notices the angel vanishing. Oh, that’s a good sign.
She cscapes from her house and gets on the back of James’ cycle. Leland sees this with crazy Leland eyes.
Out in the middle of nowhere, James and Laura talk nonsense about love. Then Laura starts freaking out and getting super crazy, saying “You don’t even know me,” and saying that his Laura disappeared. James tries to kiss her back to normal, but it doesn’t work.
Oh! The traffic light shot! I’ve missed you.
Laura falls off the bike, freaks out some more, screams “I love you, James,” and runs off into the woods. James peels off at a red light.
Laura meets up with Leo and Jacque and the other girl. Oh, right, the other girl must be…Ronette Pulaski.
Ah, this is the part where they go to the cabin for kinky sex and the bird is a witness! Montage of drugs and making out and awkward rough sex. Ugh. Leland is watching from a window. He generates bad weather.
he ambushes Jacque and beats the crap out of him, hitting him with a bottle. Oh, okay, so he didn’t get drunk and fall, smashing a bottle as he thought. Leo sees this, runs back in, gets his stuff and leaves the girls all tied up as he speeds off.
Great, this allows Leland to show up and have easy captives.
The one armed man runs through the woods! He gets to the cabin. he chases after the girls.
Leland takes the girls to the old train car, where he turns into Bob. We know this is the place where it ends badly for Laura. She resists having Bob possess her. Nightmarish scenes. An angel appears above Ronette and she is suddenly unbound.
The one armed man knocks at the door, she pushes the door open and Leland beats the crap out of her, pushing her out the door. A ring falls.
It’s the ring Laura wasn’t supposed to put on. She puts it on. Sauron returns! No, wait. Leland just murders Laura. The One armed man is disappointed he could not get to bob. Leland takes the dead laura, wrapped up, away. He ignores the unconscious girl. He puts her in the river, like moses. Oh! Look, the circle of sycamore trees! The entrance to the Black Lodge!
Leland goes to it, gets all gothy, and enters the lodge. The one armed man is there, as is the dwarf.
Leland does this gravity-defying leaning thing. Then…he’s floating in the air, and Bob is standing there.
The dwarf and one-armed man say something, then bob grabs some blood from leland and throws it on the ground. Uh, what? Was that his soul? close up of eating food. Then a monkey. Then a dead Laura.
Then a quasi-alive Laura meeting Agent Cooper. There’s a light and an angel comes to her. She cries with joy. Long shot of her crying.
Really long. Then a fade to white.
THE END.
Wow, okay, nothing really resolved. That’s it. The end of Twin Peaks.
Interesting Heather Graham’s only role in this was to show up bloodied for one scene.
